Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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