I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
