he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
