Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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