i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
