The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
