im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
