Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
