i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
