my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please don't give away my fajitas
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