Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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