I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
