quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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