Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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