Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
