hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
