TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
vagina is talking i cant
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
