i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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