Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
