Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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