Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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