Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
