have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
