I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
