Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
