i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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