Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
