just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
