i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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