I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
