it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
