You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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