just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
