I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
