dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
