i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
