it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
