He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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