You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
