It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
