i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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