when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
