Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
