Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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