Ambien. No doubt about it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
