Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
