shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
