R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
