Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want her autograph on my taint
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
