dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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